Need help with letting go.

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Elsewhere on the internet.  Probably on the JB forum: foxfirestudios.net/johnnybriz/… Someone told me that I'm having problems letting go of my past, which is being nothing more than a victim of the trolls so long ago.  And I have to admit, it has affected not only my current projects, but also my image of me as a person, both online and off.  (Remember all that negative talk about myself earlier this year?)  That was related to this.

I want to let go of my past.  To move on from that bad time, get my crap together, and stop being so damned paranoid about it.  Problem is, I just don't know how.  I'd love to forget about trolls on the internet, but when some people say that even quoting Wheaton's Law knowyourmeme.com/memes/wheaton… attacks them more than it repels.  (I'm nobody special, I just want to chat with people who won't call me f__ every other word. Wouldn't anyone else want that.) I wanted to turn over a new leaf, and I really want to do it with "The Ballad of Johnny Briz" so that what's left of my future doesn't involve a bottle of booze.  As a friend of mine said, "You had a bunch of big dreams, but you screwed it up."

The main problem I have now is, I don't know how to do that.  Sometimes I feel that it's too late for me to get back the big dreams that I had so long ago.  Only time, and whatever happens with this strip, will tell.

I do know one thing for sure, I'm going to need help. 2012 is a low point for me, and I'm doing my G-Dnest to pull myself up.  I need to find a way back to the big dreams I had when I was younger, and when I didn't care what people thought about me, and without a past to egotistically wallow myself into.  But I might need some support so that I won't make anything worse.  (Part of me feels that I'm making things worse just by posting this journal entry!  I hope that's not the case.)

The first thing I need to do is to remove all references to the bad stuff from my site.  The constant reminders to "------ my name," (I actually bleeped out the first word and it isn't an obscenity) or references to troll pages.  I'd like to remove them, but I fear that I might not get them all.  If there's anyone who'd help me with this, I'd greatly appreciate it.  It'll be a good start.
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CatbeeCache's avatar
I agree with the above commentators and would like to assure you that I am not a troll. I admit I first took interest in you out of a 'bird watching' type fascination with internet figures, but I honestly hope the best for you. I don't want to see you fail. I want to see you do better. I know you have big dreams... I don't know if you'll reach them, because reaching your dreams is hard, hard work, and I'm afraid I'll never reach my own, but I'd like to see you at least make some strong steps to success.

I think that part of that success is taking in careful consideration of the things said above, and realizing that they're words of honesty and not attack. Sometimes truth can be very painful on our hearts, but for improvement to begin it's sometimes very necessary.

My main critiques really are
- Your continual lamentations on your trolls and how much you hate certain companies. For instance, as someone who rather likes Archie and doesn't believe that the writers are horrible people, it's a bit disheartening... you are absolutely free to have negative opinions on things, but it's good to keep in mind what light saying "AIDS-ridden cocksuckers" paints you in. Just sit back, count to five, and think of "what does saying this say about -me-? Do I have to say this? Is there a better way to say this?"
- Your subjects... I agree that there is a lack of maturity and a strong focus on your own interests. Which isn't a necessarily bad thing (I myself am not exactly a bastion of maturity), but there seems to be a lot of times when things are poorly integrated or thrown in simply because you like the concept from another franchise. It makes things very disjointed and ends up souring your work... For instance, I read Blood and Metal. And while there were some things I really liked in your world building (anthropomorphic horses having hands that folded into hooves was really neat!), some things I recognized as having been lifted from other sources. For example, I can't remember his name off the bat, but I believe it was Uncle Chuck? He seemed quite obviously inspired by Uncle Chuck of SatAM/Archie. Seeing things like that, very obviously cribbed from other sources and not fully integrated to your new vision... well, being an artist does mean copying things from other sources- it's called inspiration, but it also means not just from a single source but many. You must blend your inspiration absolutely to make it fully, wholly, and completely yours. Others must not be able to point at it and go "That is from NIMH. That is from Sonic", etc. Using other franchises as a platform for your own is also a no-no. For instance, the Ballad of JB has some interesting thoughts to it, but it's reliance on the mythos of Disney guts it, which is very sad indeed...
- My last portion of contention is your art style... in the time I've watched you, since we did an art trade when I was under a different name long ago, your style has not evolved very much. Generally, someone who is so prolific at art such as yourself would of changed by now, but a comparison of your older art and your current is not drastically different. Your ways with faces, your anatomy... Please do not take this badly, but I think your best course of action is to wipe the entire slate clean and try to relearn how to draw. You seem to be so well practiced in the 'style' you have now that it is the only thing you can produce- which is limiting you terribly. It would be great to see you step back and relook at art in a new way, to break the 'rules' you've made for yourself. Eyes don't need to look like that, poses can have more flow and be less stiff, etc. While I'm not an expert, I would be more than willing to give you personal lessons or homework for you to work on to improve your art, and I offer myself for you to direct any art related questions. I hope that doesn't come off as arrogant, as again, I'm not an expert, but I think I can help at least a small bit...

Please take care, David.